The City of Decapitated Travelers

There was no a/c offered at the Wombat, one of Vienna’s most famous hostels.  The summer heat was in full swing and the room was like a sauna.  We are too old to stay in dorm rooms. Both mentally, and i’m pretty sure there’s a rule that forbids mid to late 30 year olds from co-mingling with the kids in shared sleeping quarters.

JH was in full recovery mode from his projectile vomiting car ride the day before.  Kevin and Jeff decided they should go to the cavernous looking basement bar for a beverage before calling it a night.  Then out of nowhere came the blaring and incredibly annoying sounds of the fire alarm.  We scampered out with 60 young back packers from the front of the hostel. Not knowing if this was a drill, a prank, or a real fire emergency.  Either way, JH was left in the room to make the decision – should I stay or should I go?  He stayed.  The fire engines pulled up and we heard the news.  The receptionist carelessly left bread in the toaster a few minutes too long.  2000 euros down the drain on that fire call… oops!  So what do you do when you get sent outside in Vienna? Go smash some of the best street sausages on planet earth.

The next day we decided it was time for a good old fashioned tour of Vienna.  This is what we found – CBD oils are legal and sold in stores which was great for Kevin!  The center of the city could very well have the best architecture and best looking streets anywhere in the world.  Although almost every shop was out of our class and price range. That’s particularly easy though since we didn’t have much class to offer.  The absence of trees inherently makes you appreciate the city for its architecture and history as opposed to those which can be appreciated for natural beauty.

Vienna was beautiful but now was our time to hop across the river to find symmetry in likeminded people in the lesser known Bratislava, Slovakia.  Bratislava is famous for humans paying to kill other humans in the movie Hostel.  This naturally has made the destination enticing for degenerate travelers such as ourselves.  The drive was short and beautiful.  There is a castle and old city on the hill nestled close to downtown.  The industrial soviet looking section of town is just out of reach, but visible nonetheless.  The women there are outrageously beautiful. As are the small windy cobblestone streets.  

Our favorite place however was a little college restaurant/bar with Slovakian food and uber cheap beer.  The prices were a godsend for people like us after escaping the Rolex vortex of Vienna.

Kevin said – “I don’t do castles or churches.”  Fair enough.  Jeff and JH walked up to see the infamous Bratislava castle with Kevin inching along towards the top.  Sure enough, right outside the gate, Kevin stopped, sat down, started drinking a beer and said “thats it for me, see you when you get back.”  That night was a bit of a strange one.  Lets just say Kevin showed up to the hotel very late screaming obscenities.  The next morning would prove to be his hardest…

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